Doctors and nurses are so insufferably clinical, don’t you think?
Sure, I know it’s with good reason that they have their own vocabulary; a high level of accuracy is, after all, required of good science. But I find it annoying that we, as patients, so often adopt the same terminology used by medical professionals when discussing our various pains and emissions, as if the doctor or nurse wouldn’t understand if we said, for example, “My pussy itches and is burning like crazy.” I mean, is it any clearer when we use the word “vagina”? Obviously, it is not, but we say “vagina” to avoid sounding poorly educated and immature. We want our doctor to think we have achieved some level of medical edification and we want him or her to know we are serious about our complaints, instead of thinking that we’re dumb, infantile whiners, even if dumb and infantile and whiny we are.
I actually have a list of words that you should consider trying on your next trip to the doctor’s office. Here’s a sample:
- Penis = Cock
- Stool = Shit
- Anus = Asshole (keep it in context to avoid getting punched by your doctor)
- Sexual Intercourse = Fucking
- Vomit = Barf
…and so on.
So, I think it’s nearly always just for show when in the presence of a lab coat or scrubs we suddenly start speaking like seasoned clinicians. So annoying to think I should conform to that. But, perhaps I’ll trash that tradition the next time I have a medical problem. I’ll speak to my doctor like I’m speaking to anyone. When she asks how I’ve been and why I’m there, I’ll respond with something like, “Well, I can hardly breathe from all the snot in my nose, and my titties are due for their yearly x-ray. Oh and, do you need some pee pee?” Maybe then my doctor will take some extra time to explain, in simple terms, what’s wrong with me and what I should do to get better. Or else she’ll look at me like I’m a four-year-old and reach for the rectal thermometer. o_o
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